Goodbye, Brother
by Astrid16
Summary: Cole dies, and now Zane has to learn to cope with his grief, supported my his remaining friends and brothers. better than summary, I assure you. Rated T to be safe. I might make more if enough people ask and favorite the story!


Warning, sad. This my first hurt/comfort story. Ever. Enjoy and leave a comment, please! :D

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Denial. That's what I felt as I fell to my knees in the sand. "No!" I whispered, shaking my head violently. I didn't want to believe it was happening. But there before me, mere inches from where I knelt, was the body of my friend. I held out a hand tentatively as I tried to convince myself. He was gone. I could hardly tell through his black garb, but the ground beneath him was a ruddy orange from the blood. The stagnant air was filled with the stench.

"Cole, please!" I said, my heart thudding in my chest like large boulders on their course down a steep incline.

I grabbed his hand, frantically searching for a pulse that I knew wasn't there. He was long gone.

I started shaking despite the heat. The body was still soft, but as I lifted him into my arms, I could tell he had been dead for a while. The drying blood rubbed onto my once white kimono, making it a splotchy, uneven pink color. I didn't care.

I knew my friend couldn't possibly weigh as much now as he had in life, since he had lost almost all his blood, but the memories we had once shared now fell heavily onto my own back, and mine alone, making him feel a hundred times heavier than he should have been. I bore the weight with a feeling akin to both honor and reverence, as well as unbearable grief and a touch of anger.

I had to bring him back to the others. I had to tell them what had happened. Or just let my cold, wordless burden speak for itself. I felt certain I wouldn't be uttering a single word for a long while.

I took a slow step forward. Then another. My feet dragged in the sand slowly as I looked down at his face, now wet with my silent tears. His face was very pale, a stark contrast to the jet black kimono he wore.

How could this have happened? I should have gone with him. I shouldn't have let him go alone. It was my fault. He was my brother. I could have saved him, but I did nothing. I should have followed him.

I felt like I did when we had been stuck in Skalidor's grasp that day. It had been so many years since then, but right now the event came into my head clearer than it had in years. I smiled slightly, tears falling into my partially open mouth.

Pinky. Yes, that was what he had called me. Right before we had almost died of asphyxiation. The brownish-black tail wrapped around his throat. The large black hand around my own bare and vulnerable throat. I remember watching his face flush red, then a sickly blue hue as he gagged and wheezed in the Constrictai's grip.

It felt like it was happening again. I looked away from his face to see if the scaly fiend was wrapping his arms around my neck, but realized it was my own muscles tightening, my own body making breathing almost impossible.

I had to let it out. Better to do it out here in the middle of nowhere than in a group of other people. Even if they are my brothers, I didn't want them to see their brother crying. I fell to the ground, hugging the very limp body to my chest as I rocked back and forth on my knees. My face was covered in a layer of sand, tears, sweat and blood. My brother's blood.

I let it out, sobbing uncontrollably, my whole body shaking as if with cold.

Another memory surfaced. Me on the tower. That was one of the most painful memories I had ever kept in my databanks. The day my brothers had become my enemies. I remembered their eyes, so full of hate and malice. It melted my heart to see them there, bent on destroying me. On destroying everything they had worked so hard to preserve. Up until today, fighting them was the most painful thing I had ever done. But now, sitting in the hot sand, my best friend motionless in my arms, I realized that this was by far the most painful day of my life.

Hours later, I was still sitting in the sand. The body had long since gone cold and hard. The sun was red on the horizon.

This was the time of day me and Cole loved best. We would sit on the deck of the Bounty and watch the sun set on the horizon almost every night. I remembered last night, when we were up there watching an especially striking show of the sun and clouds. Cole had asked me if I was ticklish. I had said I wasn't sure, no one had ever tried before. We ended up rolling all over the roof in a full out tickle war, tears of laughter streaming down our cheeks as I fell off the roof. Cole had reached down to catch me, but only ended up loosing his balance and falling with me.

I had pulled Cole up onto my chest so he wouldn't get hurt when my back made impact. He had jumped off of me unscathed, while I took a deep dent in the steel in my shoulder. Cole had been grateful, but not very happy that I had damaged myself in the process.

I watched more of my tears fall onto his cold face, seeming more pale than death itself.

"Brother." I thought, not able to make any words come out of my throat, which hadn't loosened a bit. If anything, it had only gotten tighter. "I would take a thousand more falls for you, if only to see you open your eyes one last time."

But my wish never got an answer. I felt as if the world had turned its back to me. Why was the world so cruel? I watched as even the sun hid its face from me, going behind the distant mountains and disappearing. The stars came out, glittering like the face of my friend, wet with my tears which still dripped freely from my chin with no sign of ceasing.

The moon had not been up an hour before the others found us. I didn't look up, but I could hear them clearly.

"Zane!" Kai shouted from a distance. He came a little closer before he realized what was on my lap.

"Zane what..." Lloyd didn't finish. He saw the load in my arms and shut his mouth with an audible snap.

Nya covered her mouth with one hand and clung to Jay with the other. Jay just stared, unable to make any sound come out of his mouth, which hung open wide enough to fit an orange between the teeth.

Sensei Wu didn't say a thing. He stopped a distance behind the others and stood still, his wide straw hat blocking our view of his face.

Kai and Lloyd were the ones who stayed strong. Lloyd took the stiffened body out of my arms while Kai helped me to my feet gently.

I know that earlier, I hadn't wanted them to see my tears. But now I just didn't care. Kai put his arms around me in support as we began the long trek back to the Bounty. I still refused to look up. I could hear Nya's whimpering noises. I had always secretly believed that she had a crush on the handsome black garbed ninja.

I don't believe a single one of us went without a tear for our fallen leader that night.

Well into the late hours of the morning, back at the ship, the others were making plans for the burial. I did not participate. I was laying on my back on the bottom bunk, staring blankly into the bed above me. The one Cole used to sleep in, now void of his presence forever.

I rubbed my face for the first time since yesterday morning, when I had been getting ready for the day and had given Cole my face cloth since he forgot to wash his. He did that often. I pulled my hand from my cheek and was not surprised to see it come away even more wet from the tears, gritty from the sand and sticky from the blood, which should have dried hours ago. But the never ending flow of tears made any attempt nature had of doing its job drying the red substance out impossible to complete. I made no attempt to wipe my hand free of the blood, knowing the only way to do that would be to take a shower. And I wasn't getting up any time soon.

I looked out the window at the sun. It must be nearing noon now. I closed my eyes and tried get a few hours of sleep. It was impossible. I had been trying for hours. It wasn't going to happen.

I was disturbed a few minutes layer when I heard the door open softly. It was Kai. He came and sat down next to me on the bed, hair even more wild and everywhere than usual (If such a thing were ever possible,) and sighed slowly.

I made no attempt to speak. Apparently, he had expected this. He didn't ask me how I was feeling, since that was obviously the most obvious question anyone could possibly ask me at this moment. So we sat in silence.

I saw my falcon fly by outside. Normally the sight gave me joy, and I would often turn on my falcon vision to see and feel what he felt when he flew. But I had no intention of making that bond right now.

"I'm so sorry, Zane." Kai said softly. The quiver in his voice told me he had been crying as well, but his face was dry. He must have wiped it before he came into the room.

"We shouldn't have let him run off." He continued.

Like I didn't know that already.

"This is all my fault." Kai put his face in his hands, muffling his voice. "If I hadn't-"

I sat up quickly and put a grimy hand on his shoulder, stopping him mid sentence. He looked up at me, tears in his eyes.

I shook my head slowly, my own icy cyan blue eyes looking into his brown ones pleadingly. This was my burden. Kai shouldn't be sharing with me. My job was to protect people. Even if it was from themselves. I watched a tear fall down his cheek as he pushed my hand away and put his head back in his hands. He started speaking again, voice cracking with the grief.

"The funeral is tomorrow." He said. "I wanted to have it today, so we could just get it over with, but Lloyd had a point. Today didn't give us enough time to tell Lou."

My mechanical heart sunk further than I ever thought possible. Cole's dad. We weren't the only ones who knew and loved our brother.

Kai stood up and gently patted my shoulder. "You should take a shower. Not right now. Whenever you feel up to it." He turned and left without another word.

I put my head back on the pillow and stared back at Coles bed above me. I grabbed the pillow, another memory surfacing.

"Does that feel like a dream?" I heard Cole's voice. Mine answered back with a hint of sarcasm.

"No, thank you for your help." I had said, rubbing my head and watching his hand, making sure the pillow didn't come back for another swing.

I closed my eyes again, hoping for sleep to take me away from this nightmare called reality. The darkness overtook my slowly and I fell asleep, tears still falling down my pale face.

I woke up slowly, listening to the ever-so-faint whir of my gears as I regained consciousness. There's something to be said for not being able to dream. I actually had a fairly peaceful rest. I noticed the darkness and turned on my night vision. I looked around me and saw my brothers in their beds on the other side of the room. Jay and Kai on the bunks, Lloyd's small wooden bed at the foot of our- I fought back a tear. No. My, bunk.

All four of us were awake, I could tell. But we didn't want to disturb each other, in case one of us was getting closer to sleep.

I heard rain pattering gently on the widow pane outside. It was very dark. No stars, no moon. Just clouds. What had been a beautiful sunset last night had become a storm. The clouds had gathered and broken, shattering and spilling their precious contents on everything beneath their wispy tendrils. The rain reminded me of Kai's words earlier. Yes, I should probably take a shower. I got up from the bed more silently than usual, which is saying something, since I am a ninja. It didn't matter, though. Everyone saw me get up anyways. I might as well have been stomping as I left the room under their gazes.

I went to the bathroom to take my shower, but changed my mind as I entered the room. I didn't want a shower. But I decided to grab a towel before I left to go up the steps to the deck outside.

I walked out onto the slippery deck, holding out my arms as if to grab every but of moisture I could. I didn't blame myself. I must have lost a lot of liquid in my body making tears. Not like the tears had stopped, only temporarily slowed. I crawled onto the roof of the man cabin, putting the towel under me because the tiles were rather slippery.

The rain came down hard. It was like a cold shower, which I had always preferred over the warm one that most humans enjoyed. I hugged my knees to my chest as I looked out at the dark horizon. I sighed and closed my eyes, trying to forget my problems. No such luck. The rain reminded me of my many tears. The very roof I sat on brought back more memories then I wanted to count, or dare even try to recall in a more full detail. But trying not to think of the memories was futile. They pushed themselves into my consciousness against my better judgement, my mind going through all the laughs, tears, hurt and frustration I had ever shared with my friend. I put my face in my crossed arms, still curled up in a ball and hugging my knees.

I heard a noise behind me. Of course they followed me. I didn't want to look up, so I pretended they weren't there.

This wasn't usually the way I handled my problems. I liked to tackle my adversaries the moment they made an appearance. But this was a different kind of adversary than I was accustomed to. The foes before me were my own emotions, and my own family. Why couldn't they understand that I wanted to tackle this problem alone? But deep down, I knew that I couldn't do it by myself. I knew I needed their help, I just didn't feel ready to ask for it.

I listened to the footsteps as they shuffled slowly over to where I sat. Three of them. Most likely the other ninja, not Nya or Sensei. I don't know why we still called him that. He had told us years ago that we had completed our training. Technically, that meant we were now his equals. But I guess the name just stuck.

I listened to their breathing. Their breath was shaky, telling me they had been crying as well.

"You ok, Zane?" Jay asked tentatively.

I didn't answer him or acknowledge his presence in any way.

"Do you want to talk about it?" He continued. His voice was definitely shaking. He sniffed loudly.

I continued to ignore him. I wasn't going to talk.

I felt a strong hand on my shoulder and reluctantly lifted my head. Lloyd looked into my mechanical eyes pleadingly. I returned his gaze with all the strength I could find in me. But it wasn't enough. I only lasted about three seconds before my eyes filled with tears and I shook my head at him. I slammed my head back into my arms, unwilling to let them see me do this all over again.

I let the tears fall silently, merging with the rainwater that made my platinum white hair fall around my face.

What was wrong with me? I was a ninja. I was the one who had to stay strong, even in the face of adversity. But right now, I felt like a six year old could jump on me and I would be completely at their mercy.

I sniffed and shook my head again slowly, telling myself it wasn't happening. That when I opened my eyes, I would see Cole standing in front of me. I peeked through my pale fingers. Nothing. I sniffed again. It was becoming hard to breath. I searched again, lifting my head slightly before sinking again. Cole was not gone. He couldn't be.

"Zane," Kai said quietly. "Listen. We care for you. Really. And seeing you like this, it makes us feel bad. Like we should be doing more for you. We're just trying to be your brothers. We look out for each other."

There was a long pause. We all knew we were thinking the same thought, but no one really wanted to say it out loud.

"Well, we sure failed at that yesterday." Lloyd said in a bitter tone, reluctantly voicing our thoughts. He continued a little quieter. "We haven't been very good brothers lately."

Jay sniffed again. "What did Cole ever do to deserve this?" He asked in an unsteady voice.

"Nothing." My voice rang out clear and sharp. With no hint of emotion or the slightest bit of a tremble. I took a deep breath as I looked at the group of misfits I called my brothers. "He did nothing." I swallowed hard. "We did nothing."

"Nothing what, Zane? Jay asked. "We did nothing to deserve loosing him, or we...did nothing?"

I was suddenly full of anger. "Which do you think?" I asked tersely. I nearly defied the laws of physics when I jumped to my feet and grabbed my towel in the same motion. "If we had gone with him this would never have happened!" I shouted at Jay. I covered my mouth, regretting the words instantly. I wanted to take them back. I fell to my knees, sliding a bit. I shook my head violently. "Oh." I groaned. "I'm sorry, Jay. I shouldn't have-"

"No." Jay stopped me. "Listen. you have every right to be mad. I understand."

I met his gaze, looking into his melancholy indigo blue eyes. He met mine with more or less as much of a tremble.

Lloyd suddenly stood up and smiled weakly. "You know what we all need?" He asked.

Jay raised his hand. "A world's sappiest ninja award?" He asked, attempting a bit of humor as he broke my gaze.

Kai actually smiled a bit. "No," He shook his head and stood up, seeing where Lloyd was going with this. "Well, yes, but no." He let out a poor attempt at a chuckle as he pulled me to my feet gently. Lloyd took Jay's hand and helped him up.

"We all need a hug." Lloyd said, tears glimmering in his eye green eyes. He took Jay's shoulders and pulled him into an embrace.

I gave in and decided to go ahead and join them. I squeezed Kai tightly, amazed by the feeling of the weight almost literally flying off of my shoulders. I didn't let go of my brother for a long time. He didn't seem to mind in the least. I felt more tears fall from my tired eyes. These weren't tears of grief, but of relief.

Cole was gone. I finally accepted that. I was still here. That was a given. I would continue living, protecting, serving. After all, I was a ninja. That's what ninja did.

I let Kai go after several minutes, not surprised to see the same relieved tears in his eyes as well. He gave my back a firm, reassuring slap. I returned the favor.

Kai laughed a long, hearty laugh. The likes of which I certainly did not expect from him at a time such as now. he turned to Lloyd and gave him a short hug. "World's sappiest ninja indeed." He said. "We should try out for the universe's sappiest ninja award. We might have better competition!"

Lloyd chuckled slightly and gave me a long, observing glance. "Now Zane." He said. "Not trying to ruin the moment or anything, but seriously. Take a shower. You look like a corpse."

"And smell twice as bad." Jay said with a smile.

I didn't find the corpse joke very funny, but I smiled at their attempts. "Very well." I reached down and grabbed the dripping towel. I looked up at the sky and noticed the rain had slowed to a drizzle and the clouds were beginning to part, revealing a bit of the moon.

"Wow. really?" Kai shook his head in mock disappointment. "That is a little cliche, don't you think, clouds?"

"Cliche?" Lloyd asked, clearly confused.

Jay laughed, remembering that conversation with Pythor so long ago. "Oh, never mind." He said, mimicking the purple snake's accent. "I wouldn't expect a child to understand." He turned and walked toward the ladder. "Toodloo!" He put his feet on the first rung and waved his free hand.

Lloyd crossed his arms over his chest indignantly. "I still don't get it."

Zane looked at his friends. His friends. He remembered his old life, back in the Northern Villages. He had been an outcast, traveling from town to town doing small jobs for people to earn his living. No past, no friends, no family. He was so glad that Sensei had found him. How the bearded managed to drink tea underwater was still beyond him, but some questions weren't made to be answered.

I followed right behind Jay, using my night vision to find each rung.

I went back to the bathroom and took my much needed shower. When I was dressed and finally got my hair in some semblance of order, it was about seven in the morning.

Nya and Sensei would be up soon. I didn't have much time. I went to the bridge and took a sheet of paper from Nya's notepad. I thought for a moment before deciding on the words to my dearest friend. I took a deep breath and began.

'Goodbye, Cole. Loosing you is by far the hardest thing I've ever had to do in my life as a ninja. Kai talked to me a little while ago about me becoming the next leader of the team. I told him I wanted some time to think it over. I would rather someone else took over, but I can see where they're coming from. Kai knows he's a little too impulsive for the task, Jay is just a tad too emotional. And remember that little brat you wanted to spank in Jamonakai Village? Lloyd? Of course you do. who could forget the hero of Ninjago city? Well, I think he would be a great leader, just like you were. But he needs more experience, you know?'

I paused writing for a moment to wipe away a tear. It fell from my finger onto the paper. I picked up the pencil and continued.

'These tears you see, count them not in sorrow, but in joy, my brother. They are the memories we shared and cherished together. Life won't ever be the same without you, but I suppose we will manage somehow. You have no idea how much we all miss you.'

More tears fell onto the paper silently.

'I don't think the pain of loosing you will ever truly go away. There may be days where the pain is more dulled and may also perhaps go unnoticed for a while. But no, the pain is here to stay, you big dirt clod. Thanks for that. I mean it. As much as it may have sounded so, it wasn't sarcasm. As long as there is pain, I shall never forget you. As long as I live, you will be here with me in spirit.'

I set down the pencil and ran for a tissue. my nose was running terribly. I ran back to my work.

'See you on the other side, dear friend. Can't wait to see you again.'

I felt empty now. There was nothing left to say. I wrote the final line with a feeling of finality.

'I shall think of you everyday, my dearest brother. Signed with love, Zane.'

I stood up with a sigh and examined my work with some measure of satisfaction. I folded the notepaper carefully as I walked it the door and up the steps to the deck.

The air up this high in the sky smelled fresh and clean, as if the rain had washed away every impurity around it.

I walked to the front of the ship and looked over the edge at the ground hundreds of feet below us. We were flying over water at that moment. Perfect. I wrapped my fingers around the elemental blade hanging on my hip. I pushed the button on the side and the cyan colored blade appeared out of the golden dragon shaped hilt.

I put the tip of the blade on the paper in my hand, coating the note in a thick layer of ice. It looked like a large crystal sitting in my hand, like something worth it's weight in gold. In my mind's eye, it was worth much more than its worth in gold. This note held the key to my sanity and my peace. Writing those words certainly helped me keep it together. Now I just needed to deliver it.

I weighed it in my hand for a moment before I threw it as hard as I could over the edge of the ship. It fell out of my range of sight within seconds, and I knew it had fallen into the water.

I turned and walked back into the house without looking back.


End file.
